MALONE FM
All Abroad for the money pit.
The Chairman's Q&A
What was really said at last Saturday's Q&A session with Steve Lansdown, City's don chairman, specifically to enable exiled fans to ask their questions and hear his answers
Don't fuck with me.
"I always expect to fucking win" … was Steve Lansdown's answer to "What will the result be today?" - the last question of the day at the Ask The Chairman session for exiled City fans held in London on the morning of the Crystal Palace game..
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The first question was about a possible train station adjacent to the proposed new stadium. Could there be one included in the plans? Steve replied:
"Fuck me, I know it's the age of the fucking train, but do I look like Jimmy Saville? Ask that cunt Branson if he will get his wallet out, the beardy twat. Fucking hell, next you'll be asking for a new bus stop".
New stadium identity
A new stadium for our team needs to have an identity people will know is Bristol City, not just another new soccer stadium. People spoke of Coventry's new stadium as running out of beer, lacking atmosphere, having lots of empty blue seats, and built in the middle of nowhere
"Yeah, Coventry was good, I took the piss in the corporate section and gave it the big un after both games, happy days".
Foreign investment
Discussion took place around the risks and benefits of people coming in from abroad with vast new funds and buying up English soccer clubs. The good news was that Steve indicated we are able to go forward as we are - but that success and a higher placing in the table does always bring more interest from potential investors.
"Slimy cunts though, some of them, wouldn't trust that hyman geezer, or what ever his fucking name is, stab you in the back soon as he'd look at you"
Any of you motherfuckers move, I'll execute every last motherfucking one of you
7/10 probability for new stadium go-ahead
How likely is the new stadium to become a reality? Steve thought 7-8 out of 10 - so a good chance.
"fucking city council, full of lezzers and lefties, not to mention the other type of bent cunts in the planning department, Colin's been doing his magic though, placing the odd brown envelope here and there, bless him, he's got some uses"
Promotion bonus
Promotion - yes: that was really talked about! And it does look possible. A question was posed around the infrastructure required to support a Premier League team. Steve felt that the basic building blocks are in place and, if needed, could be quickly built on. It is staggering to be told the wage bill has gone from £2½m to £6m on the back of promotion to the championship -
"yeah I've got the cash, stacks of it. You fuckers have got to part with it as well though, or we're going to do a Derby. I'm sick of you fuckers, moaning about this, moaning about that. Put your money were your mouth is and get down the gate".
Ticket pricing for exiles was also discussed - could there be a season ticket for people who live far away and can only get to say half the home games?
"fuck off, why should I give a flying fuck if you don't live in Bristol? Support Dulwich Hamlet or some other cockney bell ends instead you fucking grasping twats. Jesus"
East End and Dolman early leavers
Some of the difficulties with Ashton Gate were considered. The perennial question of the East End was raised.
" I love those guys in the east end, they are the dogs bollocks. Colin threw his toys out the pram though, as did that little creep who hangs about with him, them or us, they told me. It's a tough call, I'm working on them. I got so much shit going on at the moment, leave it with me. Forza eastend and all that shit".
The issue of early leavers from the Dolman was also discussed -
."Wankers, all of them. I hate them. Gary hates them, Colin wants to rip their heads off and piss in the hole".
What happens if...
Steve was asked about succession-planning for the inevitable time when Gary moves on.
"he wouldn't do that, nobody fucks with me"
So, a mix of topics: new stadium, promotion and other things. It was really good to be involved, and so positive. Keep it up Steve, Gary and the lads!
By uncle Roger
This 'promised land' cobblers we are going to wind up in according to some, this nirvana, this septic land set in a sea of bankruptcy. What will really happen to the money if?
Well the loot will probably be spent on trying to stay there. I can't see anyone gracefully just geting on with making relegation a less painful affair. So far every single team that has taken Mr Toads wild ride in the rarified atmosphere has spouted the same old rhetoric about 'you see this has always been a big club.'
No one has had the honesty to go 'bloody hell, what a fluke, Man United eh? Jesus, still it'll all be over by october when we still don't have any points'.
So the 50 mill, nice and big a number as it seems will go on the inflated wages of our newly cannonised big time charlies. More stewards. Maybe a few journeymen who may or may not be able to do a job, 'in goal for Bristol City number one BRAD FREIDEL' padded seats throughout the Dolman, the new 'Lansdown's' Michelin starred restaurant in the Williams and of course the giant jumbotorn screens at either end showing first half highlights and cartoons at half time.
Anyone that spots where sarcasm crept in a crapped in the middle of that last paragraph wins a MaloneFM t shirt.
Back page of the Evil Post 'gas COULD make half a mill on the tv cup game'. I love the word 'could' it means 'god knows'. Where would this new found riches be going? A new hat for the idiotic captain gas? New bottles of tomato sauce for the pasties?
Nope. Probably servicing the debt on the loan for the loan for the tent to stop the pitch rotting.
Should the doors of the Lansdown mansion swing open with a creak similar to the ones in the Frankenstein castle and our benefactor stand there beaming with one of those bags in his hand with a big £ sign on them, and should our benefactor in his familiar and slightly weedy voice (ever noticed the higher you get up in the football world the less manly you appear? Apart from Capello who looks like a hard Tommy Cooper) say to masses 'look you poor misled bastards, this one's for you, now we are in the land of dosh what do YOU want. On me.'
There is a fair old shopping list. The top of which would be a return of those light blue cars. Now before you get all liberal on me this is not a dig at the driver, just the cars. They were brilliant.
While it was freezing cold and pissing down with rain on the open end these buggers would be sat in their little buggies with a grade A view pitchside, maybe a flask full of hot booze and a tartan blanket. Waved through by Johhny Law they could for all I know be right off their tits on Charlie by half time. And then waved out again by the same plod.
So Sir Steve don't take this the wrong way but stick your executive boxes up your arse. For the same money, even less, I could have transport from pub to pitchside, shake hands with Ivan at a throw in (who could resist and old soldier, a wounded one at that?) have drum and bass or whatever that crap the young people listen to thumping out of the old 8 track instead of watching half wits try to thump a ball at the fat chicken mascot, and just roll out the Gate and back to the pub.
Can't see it happening though.
So as for the promised 50 mil. Don't start loading up the credit cards just yet.
