DEAR UNCLES
Dear Elvis
As baby NS is not old enough to go to the Gate he will be listening to City v Southampton in his cot on the radio. Can you please sing "SMELL MY FINGERS" at 7.59 pm tomorrow as any later he is is alseep. This important cultural Bristol City legacy must be preserved for future generations i am sure you will agree
North Street
Elvis - OK squire I will give it my best shot. My only concern is that it will be drowned out by the Southampton contingent. This would not have been an option had our wonderful club done the decent thing and made OUR end open to POTD City fans.
BTW I will refrain from using a megaphone due to lack of suitable disguises.
Dear Elvis
Who would win in a fight?
Pat Butcher or Terry Wogan?
Joey
Elvis - I think Pat would win if she applied the right tactics. First move would be to wave her pissy knickers towards old Tel, as he recoils from the repulsive smell she could snatch his wig to disorientate him. Whilst in a state of confusion she could plant one of her immense plates of meat square in his town halls. Game over
Joey - I would like to hear our very own MaloneFm's opinion on this difficult matter.
Uncle Roger -Come...sit on uncles knee. My you're a fat pikey little bastard these days ain't you?
You see wee hoolie I tend to side with your uncle King on this one. Having had personal experience of the Woge he does appear to have the slimeyness of a rather large tankfull of toads. Butcher on the other hand tends to side towards the more agressive style of dyke. Good with both hands and probably has a fair old set of meat and two veg in her Marks and Sparks gusseted y fronts.
In fact I should imagine that even you once you have had your saturday night snort of Loctite in the crisp packet would be more than a match for dear old Sir Tel. Providing he doesn't smack you a good one around the head which is something you have had coming for years. - Malone FM
Dear Elvis
The song "In the air" tonight is currently being used to advertise Cadburys chocolate.
Is that Gorilla really Phil collins?
Elvis - It's not a well known fact but Phil has a problem with body hair. He managed to use this to his commercial advantage in the advert after leaving the Immac alone for a few months.
Phil also has another rare affliction of looking like he's permanently wearing a stocking mask.
Ozzy once described Phil's face as " a welder's bench "
Uncle Roger - Its in a fur coat and its generally talentless.
It's more like Joan Collns.
Elvis - Couldnt be Joan Collins as it's legs aren't in the air and open.
Dear Elvis or Roger
Steven Gerrard
Why does he play great for Liverpool and why is he a complete waste of space, wanker for England?
Please help
A very disillusioned and pissed off England sufferer
Elvis - Its like any puppet will only perform to the limit of the puppetmasters ability. In the case of England the "puppetmaster" always gets his strings tangled.
What's 9 inches long and hangs in front of a cunt ?
Steve McClarens England tie!
Uncle Roger - Whats the difference between Lewis Hamilton and the England football team?
Hamilton has managed to win with a McClaren
Anyways.
The main problem, and the reason why Moroniho will not be the next England manager is the FA. They are still the old school tie, or as Scargers would describe them, toffee knobs. This is also the reason why Brian Clough was not appointed. He would have been seen to be above them And God knows the international committee would not have that.
So Gerrard plays for Liverpool safe in the knowledge that should he get pissed off he might just get a run out at the Gate. But for England he is stuck with it.
Dear Uncles
this morning on the bus to college there was a dear old (well i say old, she was about 18-19) american girl sat behind me. she was rabbiting on to her friend about life back in america. at this point i was okay with the situation even though her accent made me want to cover my ears.
somehow the dear old woman facing 40 lashes came into the conversation, and to my horror, she said the woman deserved it for trying to teach the kids to convert to christianity. at this point i had a strong urge to turn around and punch her in the nose.
tell me uncles, why are americans so fucking stupid?
Elvis - It's written into their constitution that they must be terminally stupid and overweight
Uncle Roger - Well young person when you realise that over 57% of the population have never read a book, they have elected a cowboy, the Terminator and a half wit into office, and the technical manual for the Abrams main battle tank had to include cartoons so their troops could operate it.
I think she was one of the brighter ones
Dear Roger
Does the Madjeski stadium remind you of a service station with a f#ck off traffic jam?
Uncle Roger - Rather although the press box is very nice, has seats with castors on and that and proper malt loaf at half time. It also looks like a bastard great souless spaceship has broken down next to the M4 and the propellor has come off it.
Dear Uncles
The Welsh?
On a clear day is it true you can see from Severn beach groups of Welsh mating in the fields?
Uncle Roger - When the wind clears the yellow fog from Avonmouth.
Sadly yes. And its vile....
Editorial thing - Sadly Uncle Roger has now left the building for gantries new. Best of Luck Roger and hopefully the incontience pads come off soon.
Elvis has also put his patronage of Dear Uncles on hold temporarily due to inconvenient things like working.
