Issue 5
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He's Back!
Welcome fellow cider heads to issue 5 of the three lions and
a robin online fanzine! Special Thanks to the 3 lions pub West Street for sponsoring any future fanzines.. Three Lions, 206 West Street Bedminster Bristol BS3 3NB. Tel: 0117 9020056
Hollywood move making legend and City's supporting love meister
once again others you words of lurve guaranteed to get her kit off.
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

Hi - your face or mine?

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
Here's 20p to call your mum - tell her I'm kidnapping you.
I have only three months to live…
You've got a huge arse - you're lucky I'm in love with Dawn French!
Are you new around here? I've had sex with most of the girls in here so it's nice to see new talent.
Good news - the test results are negative!
Do you believe in love at first sight? I don't, so let's be realistic…
Do you mind if I stand here until it's safe to go back to where I farted?
As long as there's my face, there'll always be a place for you to sit.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? Then take me home with you.
Hi, I heard women go for bastards? Well, I never knew who my father was.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent. By the way, you have my consent.
That dress looks shit - I think you should take it off immediately

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free

Carys latest squeeze.
One evening last week, my latest squeeze and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every City supporting Hollywood film star on the planet dreads to hear..

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of set to spend time with her. We went out to a Michelin rated restaurant and then went shopping at a lavish department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different high fashion outfits by Armani. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new Jimmy Choo shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a Jack Nicholson. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all  Dahling, let's go to the cashier."

I then went into my best steely faced Hollywood Sex God mode and firmly stated , "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a City supporting Movie Legend  enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for my wonderful films and who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...but at least that cock teasing bitch knows this Citys supporting filmstar is smarter than her.