Minister for truth Colin Sex declared the Wedlocks Micra Stand a high risk area after fans had been seen chanting spontaneously for long periods of time and being excitable. "These are clear signs that foot and mouth is back and unless a restrictive surveillance control zone is set up those symptoms could spread to other stands as the disease is highly contagious" stated Mr Sex.
After similar symptoms had been sighted in the stand in May during a match v Rotherham emergency measures were implemented including restrictions on under sixteens entering the stand, admission prices set above the Atyeo and pay on the day tickets being buried in Greville Smythe Park it was thought the East End was finally foot and mouth free. Colin Sex in a statement issued by the Ministry of truth yesterday said "it seems that stating the stand was free of disease was premature and now the area will be declared high risk till May 2008.
Restrictions will mean supporters will be segregated from their families and friends every other Saturday for a period of ninety minutes, only fans possessing the correct paperwork who have been checked by vets from the Department of Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and have their DNA stored on our data base will be able to enter the control zone. Further stringent biosecurity measures would be implemented if the outbreak was not contained along with measures such as fans wading through large chemical troughs to access the stand".
Bristol City Supporters groups have expressed fears that the Minister of Truth may wish to implement Foot and Mouth disease controls such as mass slaughter of affected Fans. Mr Sex when contacted was unable to confirm or deny the possibility but added " there is a possibility that remaining supporters in the East End would have their season tickets seized. These fans could only then guarantee access after being blindfolded and successfully pinning a tail on a donkeys arse".
East End Foot and Mouth is back
Minister for truth Colin Sex yesterday confirmed a fresh outbreak of foot and mouth disease in South Bristol, just a week after the Ministry had declared the disease eradicated.
City to twin
with top team
Bristol City's Minister for truth today announced a ambitious plan to twin Bristol City with a top European side.
Minister for truth Colin Sex stated "for awhile we have been thinking about this dynamic step and felt after recent events our hand had to be shown. Plymouth Argyle recently announced
a twinning with Fart fc of Norway which we looked at appreciatively but decided against acting. However in view of developments at the memorial which have seen Rovers announcing the club has now decided to identify itself with Wankie FC of Zimbabwe we felt we must now respond".
Minister for truth Colin Sex explained "we have looked around Europe for sometime for a top side that shares our ambition, drive, direction, dynamism, ideals
and resolve to take our club forward. I am sure that all City fans will agree that FC Traktor of Minsk from the Byelorussian SSR are a top European team that mirror our qualities".
Mr. Sex then explained that after a game of Eeny, meeny, miny, moe his finger fell on map of Europe. "As soon as I saw the word Minsk I knew this was fate" exclaimed Mr. Sex. Asked if that perhaps Dinamo Minsk who recently won the league in Belarus would have been a better option Mr. Sex bullishly replied, "I cannot believe that any true fan will not be excited by the twinning with FC Traktor, they are top European side and famous name world wide!
FC TRAKTOR
