What causes Gasheaditis.
Nobody as of this time has identified what causes this strange affliction but this peculiar condition affects hundreds of people in North Bristol.The symptoms of Gasheaditis include: pale skin, a persecution complex coupled with inferiority issues, bad teeth, ill fitting trainers, autistic tendencies towards Ikea flat packs, looking and smelling like a bastard, Goat love, loving holes in trees, freckles, whining, stamping of feet when they do not get their way and a "Soulless" feeling. Some Gashead may show symptoms such as depression, shouting at planes, constantly wanting to live somewhere else and playing on the M32. Although Gasheaditis is not a life threatening disease it can be very serious.
Is Gasheaditis contagious?
No. But it can be passed on by uncaring and selfish parents.
Are Gashead s dangerous?
Although some Gasheads may be dangerous, many others are not. Gashead do have a genetic predisposition towards anger and depression, but this is caused by thur appearance and often times amplified by taunting and harassment by their superiors .Contrary to what the Evening post states, many Gasheads do not live happy lives and support a family club. In truth Gasheads are more of a threat to themselves as they do not understand the inherent dangers present in every day life e.g electricity, water, gas, cars, petrol, matches, stairs, shouting at strangers, heights, lack of personal hygiene………just about everything really.
Do Gasheads have Souls?
Unfortunately no, Gasheads are born without souls and think nothing of squatting in other peoples grounds like Bristol Rugby club, BathCity or Cheltenham fc like the homeless vagabonds they are.
If a Gashead bites me what should I do?
If you have been bitten by a Gashead immediately wash the wound with soap and water. Follow this with washing the affected area again for twenty minutes with lots of cold water. If you feel nauseous, dribble and mutter anything about a munter called Irene or that bigger club being arrogant call 999 and ask for immediate medical assistance. If you have cider apply it to the wound and repeat the words to "my ole man" till the ambulance arrives.
Why do Gasheads get such a bad reputation?
Because they deserve it! Gasheads are rightfully stereotyped because a number of Gasheads have set bad examples. Throughout the eighties Gasheads such as Alexander, Holloway, Purnell, Penrice, McClean, Twentyman , White,……… practiced a form of Gasheaditis witchcraft known as POMO or the Position Of Maximum Opportunity. This practice involved punting a football large distances as high as possible in the direction of as many Gashead males over six feet tall as the Gasheads could find. As the ball was traveling through the atmosphere the Gasheads would use their persecution complex coupled with inferiority issues to barge their superiors out of the way in attempt to score a goal without the ball bouncing. If the ruse was detected by the referee and a foul awarded against the Gasheads a small short bald insignificant man called Holloway with a severe inferiority issues and halitosis would then whine at the referee incessantly while stamping his feet up and down.
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