Q: What do you get if you see a Bristol Rovers fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand.
Great Western have decided to start sponsoring Bristol Rovers.
The company think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
Apparently, when Ian Holloway was Bristol Rovers manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
Q: What is the difference between The Gas and the bermuda triangle?
A: The bermuda triangle has three points.
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Bristol Rovers FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"
Apparantly, Bristol Rovers football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion. - they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.
Q: What's the difference between a Bristol Rovers fan and a supermarket trolley?
A: The trolley has a mind of it's own.
Q: How many Bristol Rovers soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
surgeons are taking a tea break:
1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says "I prefer Bristol rovers fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable
Paul Trollope was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"£25 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.
"Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
"Screw the story - do you have a brass Bristol Rovers fan?"
A City and Rovers fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the Rovers fan says, "So you're a City fan, that's interesting. I'm a Rovers fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The City fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The City fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"
He hands the bottle to the Rovers fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the City fan. The City fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Rovers fan. The Rovers fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The City fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"
A City fan van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring witless every Bristol Rovers fan he saw sauntering down Gloucester road in their blue and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road.
One day as he was driving along Gloucester road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift.
"Where are you off to, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to give Mass at St mary redcliffe church - it's aboot 3 miles down the road,".
"Na worries," said the City fan van driver, "Hop in and I'll gee you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down Gloucester road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Gas Head on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the Gas Head idiot. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Oh sorry Father, I nearly hit that Bristol Rovers fan walking down Gloucester road there."
"No need to apologise Sonny," replied Father, "I got the bastard with the door!"
Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone who supports Bristol Rovers?
A: It saves time
Q: How can you tell when The Gas are losing?
A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Gas Head with many girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd
Bristol Rovers manager Paul Trollope won't stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,
"Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes."
To show Gas Heads are thick!!
A Gas Head arrived at a Gas Match match midway through the second half.
"What's the score?" he asks his fellow Gas Head as he settles into his seat.
"Nil-nil," comes the reply.
"And what was the score at half-time?" he asks.
Gas fan 1: "I wish I'd brought the piano to the stadium."
Gas fan 2: "Why would you bring a piano to the football game?"
Gas fan 1: "Because I left the tickets on it."
Q. Which three league teams have swear words in their names?
A. Scunthorpe United, Arsenal and fucking Bristol Rovers.
Q. What's the difference between a hedgehog and the Bristol Rovers team bus?
A. The Bristol Rovers bus has more pricks!
Hollowgas, the fanatical Bristol Rovers fan always wears his replica strip, and wherever he goes people take the the piss out of him, and say he's stupid. This makes him angry, so when he next goes for his walking holiday in the Lake District, he decides not to bother. He walks through a field of sheep and sees a farmer. Feeling in need of some sexual activity he walks up and asks the farmer, "If I guess how many sheep you have, can I take one away and have sex with her?"
"OK" replied the farmer. "There are 173" said .Hollowgas
"That's really impressive," says the farmer. "Take your pick." Hollowgas chooses, and begins to walk off. The,, farmer shouts back, "If I can guess which team you support, can I have my dog back?"
A psychology professor decided to study the way in which different people from different parts of the country have sex with sheep. He travelled first to Wales, where he asks a Cardiff fan to explain his method: "Well, boyo, I put her back legs down my nice blue wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Tidy!"
The professor tries Scotland next . askes a Rangers fan "Hoots an' toots man, I put her back legs down my nice blue wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Och aye tha noo!"
The professor moves on next to Birmingham and askes a Brum fan
"Well, I put her back legs down my nice blue wellies, grab hers with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. There's nowt more ti it 'yon that."
The professor is noticing a pattern developing, so he decides to try North Bristol, and then call it a day.
He stops a bloke outside memorial stadium, who happens to be our old friend, Hollowgas, and asks him to explain the Bristol Rovers method: "Well me babber, I put her back legs down my nice blue wellies, sling her front legs over me shoulders, and that's all there is to it!"
The professor is excited to have found some regional variation, and tells Hollowgas that this is very different from the Welsh, Scots and Brummies.
"How do they do it then?" asks Hollowgas, and the professor explains. Hollowgas on hearing the explanation walks off disgusted. "What! No kissing?" ;
Hollowgas the Bristol Rovers fan is walking his dog one day, when he sees an old lamp. He bends down to pick it up, and starts to rub it to clean it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I am the The ice in Cider genie?" I grant but one wish".
Hollowgas thinks for a while, and then says, "Make my dog irene, win Crufts." The genie looks at irene and says, "Don't be stupid, look at the thing. It's mankey, it's got fleas, it's got a bit missing from one ear, it limps and it smells. I might be a genie, but I'm not a miracle worker." "All right then," says Hollowgas, "Make Bristol rovers get to the league one play offs." The genie stops for a moment, then says, "Let's have another look at that dog again.
Hollowgas, the Bristol Rovers fan is sent to Hell for his sins (bestiality mostly). There he meets the Devil, who asks him, "How art thou finding the eternal damnation of Hades?" "Not too bad really," says Hollowgas. "It's certainly warmer than the memorial stadium in February, quite pleasant really"
Satan is very upset that anyone should actually enjoy Hell, so he orders his demons to turn down all the heating, until it is so cold that the very air freezes. He then goes to seek out Hollowgas who is smiling broadly. "What art thou doing?" asks Satan. "Is not the bitter cold chilling thy twisted soul to the bitter core?"
"Yes," admits Hollowgas, "But I'm still happy, because this weather can only mean one thing: Bristol Rovers have at last won the league one title!"
A tourist is in Bristol one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.
"Well," replies the man, "Bristol city's Ashton gate is very close but they're playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, Bristol Rovers memorial stadium which is not that far away. You go straight up this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.
You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.
At a local derby between City and Rovers last season, a spectator. suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
'There's nothing to worry about, lad,' said the elderly chap standing next to him. 'It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it.'
'That's just what I'm worried about,' said the fan. 'My name's Ian Holloway'
