The World according to Mr C Grant
City supporting Hollywood Sex God
Cardiff
One horse town . Break wind while driving and you would miss it. Locals can't speak their own language but still call their Kids Rhy.
Chard
Fellows from this Town are tighter than Mae West's love tunnel and I should know as I have been to both.
Kingswood
Kingswood was completely flattened inWW2. Estimates of the damage ran into the hundreds of pounds. Why live in a place where they still hang people?
Hull City
Hull City have done themselves proud and that Phil Brown does seem a decent sort. But next season they should start with a twenty five point deficit. The sight on Socca UK on my seven metre widescreen tv back at to my thoroughly charming Palm Springs California Des Red of grown Chaps in Tiger suits singing WHO ARE YA, SHALL WE SING A SONG FOR YOU then making clawing hand movements is the most cringeworthy thing I have ever seen in my life. It even made the flesh of my eighteen year old Latino nubile Au Pair crawl.
Ian Holloway
I know the Chap no longer has a proper job and we should not mock him for being unemployed but is it any wonder when you Google Ian Holloway is a twat and get 50000 results?
Ivan Sproule
The Irish chaps improvement in form after December can be attributed to new Los Angeles radical training methods. It was apparent to me after the highlights on DVD were Fed Exed to my charming Palm Springs California retreat that the Speedy chaps problems in locating the box where related to basic route finding. When a chap is traveling at speeds up and down the flanks faster than that Monroe's sorts under crackers our Ivan has entered the mobius, a twist in the fabric of space where time becomes a loop causing Ivan to lose his comprehension skills in the vortex and all notion of where our fine forwards and the onion bag is.
After talking to my Hollywood Homies Nimoy, Shatner and that cove who puts ice in his cider off Ivan Sproule "I'M UTTERLY DESPERATE GET ME A GIG PLEEEEEEASE!". Nimoy uttered," In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that as Sproules continued predilection for high speed dribbling demonstrates he does not know how to find his way through the mobius a twist in time and space where time becomes loop or If I were human, I believe the correct response would be "he doesn't know where the fuck he is going".
"He's suffering from a form of Vulcan Mind Meld" said Shatner.
"He really doesn't know where the fuck he is going" said Nimoy.
"Guess who's coming to dinner let's put a sign up so nobody gets lost, send them a sign to practice with" Said the Gay Chap.
We sent Mr Johnson the above sign and the speedy chap instantly improved.
Radio Bristol
Hello Geoff
Hello Mike from Yate what is it you have to say?
Geoff, Geoff, Bradley Orr just has to go, worst passer of a ball I have ever seen. I wouldn't trust him to pass the ball to the other side of the road. Shockingly Bad.
Really Mike?
Yes Shockingly Bad Geoff apart from that McAllister. Shockingly Bad.
He is an International Mike?
Is he?
Yes Mike.
Who?
Scotland.
Anyway players are needed Geoff . Players ARE needed. Both full backs Shockingly Bad., wide positions Shockingly Bad., and in central midfield Shockingly Bad.
So Mike how do explain City getting sixteen points out of the last eighteen?
Urrrr, ummmm, ehhh …
Were you at the game tonight, Mike ?
No.
Reading Fans
Are as authentic as John Madjeskis wig.
Scotland
The only Country in the finals of the World cup who used to beat the fans post cards home.
Wales
Why have bilingual road signs when only appeal to 5% of the population knows what Camerâu cyfylm or Pergyl
Sol Campbell
Sol no matter Spurs fans say, It's not because you are black or gay, It's because your are really are a bit of a CUNT, no matter what they say, It's not because you are black or gay.
Arafwch Nawr means?
Women's periods
Anything that bleeds for a that long and is still alive is related to the devil.
