Spouting the old French France French? Slut amours! Has uncle gone Coco pops?

Well rest easy nephews and nieces not yet, but not far off mind. Since the rollercoaster ride that was last season we have picked up several new chums in the process. More than once uncle has been taken to task by these people with suggestions that 'we ain't effing part timers', and 'I can't get to every home game because I live in an igloo near the artic circle'.

S rather than getting my Guinness knocked over in the Pilly again by some low brow idiot, hiding behind another low brow idiot in the shape of the Herr Doktor one shall refer to these new chums as the arriviste. They have come along straight from the Dutch victory at Euro 2008 and young Scotty Murray getting the usual hiding at Wimbledon (note to self, must do these ramblings after the end of may next time just in case) to pledge themselves through thick and thick to the cause so they can hopefully blag a ticket to Wembley next year and sit within binocular distance of everybody they know.

What can one expect this fine august month?

Well the pre season friendlies went very well. Yes there are games before the games. Think of them as the crap support act to Bon Jovi. Who if I am to be honest are nobodies E Street band. Bradders has recovered from his head injury. The one that looks like the bastard son of Marc Almond should that have been possible once, that got a bit of a clout at the other game you went to in may.

Early expectation/disappointment.

The new signing(s) are either bedded in and are well worth the money until the guarantee runs out (hello Darren Byfield wherever you are) or are still getting to know the team and the style of play even though they have had since July/last week.

The cockney tat sellers who blocked up Ashton road, the one by the park, no that's Ashton Court, the other park, never mind, will have vanished. No more will the cry of 'CAM ON YEW BRISTOL WANKAAHS GETCHA SCARVES, SUPPORT YAH TEAM, FEED THE FAAKIN BIRDS, TAPPANCE A BAAAG-GERTCHA YEW SLAAG!' Will be ringing out across the sky. And thank the lord for that.

Hopefully the jester hats and face paints would have hit the bottom of the bin ages ago. Fashion mistake. Picture in the Evil Post of a young girl at the big game with red and white quarters on her face. Wrong in so many many ways. There will also be fewer red England shirts with ROONEY 9 on the back of them. The shirts are no longer made by Nibor or heaven forbid Bukta and are now decent quality Puma and bloody trendy as well. So no need for that old Liverpool shirt sonny, off with it. Less will be the number of people there for a good day out, but more will be the numbers questioning the amount charged for a poxy beef burger in the ground.

And at the end of the entertainment and lets hope that it is for the price you have paid, could have took the kids ice skating for less with a decent beef burger as well, cast an ear out for the full time results.

Remember Hull? The ones in the yellow that won in may? If they win expect to hear 'that should have been us' if they lose expect ironic cheering. Expect this at the end of most of the games you attend this season. And should you enjoy the next few months then join your new found friends and weary souled ones in the same seat next season.

I quote Sir Alex Ferguson after the 1999 Euopean Cup win at the Nou Camp 'football eh? Bloody hell!'

So welcome arriviste. One and all. When it happens this season you can say you were here and you now belong here. Yes we now have the rights to your soul and plan to make a promotion video next may with you gurning like buggery on it.

Just don't wear a jester hat with bells on it eh?