MR C GRANT BRISTOL CITY SUPPORTING HOLLYWOOD LEGEND
City's Hollywood blockbusting movie making legend's
favourite joke
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him also.
Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner ... I think my missus caught a glimpse!
How not to get caught out with the City supporting love God
After a all night tryst with a couple of nubiles at a lap dancing club I was a mere ten hours late returning home. On entering my Des res I discovered that my ruse had been successfully defended by my fellow hedonism loving friends as the Wife had called ten of them and discovered that Eight confirmed I stayed at their pads and two said I was still there
The Ex's
Alison Bucket
Karen Climax
Helena half-mast....always got her knickers round her knees
Kelly Kit Kat … because she took 4 fingers
Denise the dump truck.....every boy used to dump their load in her
Madeleine the Martini girl, shaken stirred and everything else
Jane Pokes banging like a Barn House Door in the Wind
Sara Shag bag
Jane Champagne bottle because … well … Chivalry does not allow me to reveal why!
TAKE THE PROFFESSOR POOTYPANTS TEST
The following is excerpted from my latest Hollywood blockbuster Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, in which the evil Professor Poopypants forces everyone to assume new names...
So:-
1. Use the third letter of your first name to
determine your New first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dink yz = zippy
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = wad
b = feat! her
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pic kle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = face
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = twat
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdink
y = hiney
z = juice
Thus, for example, Gary Johnsons new name is: Gizzard Pottywaffle, Colin Sexstone would be Boobie Humphumperdink Stephen Lansdowns is Crusty Waddunkin and Steve Phillipps would become Crusty Arseface so no real suprises there then at all
